Hello, Marvel Writers!
“It’s clobberin’ time!”
That has to be one of the best known catch phrases in entertainment history, and I have to say that it never gets old. Almost sixty years after the comics came out and, despite all the other cultural changes in how people speak to each other, Ben Grimm’s battle cry still has the same defiant ring to it.
The same can be said for “Avengers Assemble!” and Logan’s, “I’m the best there is at what I do.”
However, a great many other things have changed, and not necessarily for the better. For starters, there’s this fascination people have developed in the undead. Vampires, zombies, werewolves, witches, etc., are all in high demand these days.
Marvel has several such characters, most of whom are interesting. Blade is quite intriguing as he resists the urge to act on his vampire nature, fighting it – and other vampires as well – to protect the people he would otherwise constantly be compelled to kill. And never let it be said that Dr. Strange is a lousy ally (although I’ve never found him particularly entertaining, to be honest, except for his cockamamie spell incantations; those were fun!)
But throwing our dashing heroes into the middle of a zombie war, as has occurred in Marvel Zombies, is just a step too far.
First of all, most of them probably wouldn’t even get infected in the first place. Any zombie that tried to eat Ben Grimm would lose all his teeth on the first bite. Cap, Black Widow, and Wolverine’s immune systems are so much faster than the average human’s that they can’t even catch the common cold, let alone some zombie strain. The Hulk has bullet-proof skin, so he’s pretty well zombie-proof. Thor is Asgardian and therefore immune to practically everything. Iron Man would taste worse than Ben, and all Johnny Storm would have to do is “Flame on!” and he’d instantly be unappetizing to anything, especially zombies.
Which reminds me: Why are zombies always getting shot to ribbons or hacked to pieces? They are dead and decaying bodies reanimated with below animal intelligence. All anyone needs to do to kill a zombie is find and turn on a flame thrower, the more fuel and range it has, the better. Poof, no more zombie problem. I like that, saves a lot of energy all the way around.
In all seriousness, this side series of Marvel comics is totally and completely unappealing. There are plenty of zombie stories out there. Why do our favorite heroes have to be forced into fighting them or, more to the point, joining the throng of undead?
Really, really unnecessary, fellow writers.
Mithril (A Disappointed True Believer)