Four years. It has been four years since my last post longer than a sentence appeared here on Thoughts on the Edge of Forever, readers. Dear heaven, the fact that any of you stayed, let alone continued to read my posts, astounds me. I am touched. Thank you!
I had better start with the most obvious item on the list: I am not dead. There wasn’t any illness or death or anything that made me stop posting here, either. Most of the problem boiled down to three things: (1) I had to juggle this blog with a new schedule that didn’t leave me a lot of room for writing as I had been before.
Reason (2), the lock downs in 2020/2021 hit me hard emotionally and caused a great change in me. Furthermore, at the same time the lock downs occurred, the franchises I loved went completely off the deep end, which is (3) a big reason why I didn’t come back to this blog. How could I entertain you and give you something to be happy about, when I was so profoundly unhappy with my fandoms? I had other things I was happy about and was able to do, but this blog was meant for me to expound upon my favorite stories and anything incidental I came upon that was worth looking into. For two years I had nothing of the kind to share, primarily because I couldn’t muster the energy to write about old things when the new things stank.
When I reviewed Avengers: Endgame (long after it came out) I was very, very restrained and polite because I thought I had time to get over my feelings about it. Without the lock downs, maybe I would have managed that feat. But the fact is that not even the parts of that movie which I thought were pretty good landed for me. The finale for the MCU hit me in the gut; I had been hoping for a Return of the Jedi style ending. Instead, I got Cap going back in time and coming to the present as an old man while his romance with Sharon Carter was ditched (Emily VanCamp was cheated). Tony died when he didn’t need to die (in the sense that it would have been better for him to live, personally, even though the story worked fine with him dying). We also had Natasha dueling with Hawkeye before throwing herself off the cliff to get the Soul Stone. That SHOULD have hit me in the “feels,” as they say. It didn’t.
Oh, and Gamora’s death in Infinity War wasn’t reversed. I know how the Infinity Gauntlet story ends in the comics – the movie didn’t even come close. It should have; The Winter Soldier was pitch perfect, Avengers: Age of Ultron blended dozens of storylines across decades well in my opinion, and Captain America: Civil War actually FIXED the mess the comics gave us.
(I have discovered that there are people who hate the movie and call it bad, but trust me, film Civil War‘s flaws – and they are minimal – are easily rubbed away. Comic book Civil War? Rewrite the whole thing, using the movie as a guide. That is the only way to read it, because the original comic book version does nothing but destroy the characters and make them villains.)
That final scene between Hawkeye and Black Widow in Endgame should have affected me, and objectively, I know it was a good scene. Johansson and Renner have reason to be proud of it, and actresses who aren’t studying Johansson’s acting in that scene are never going to reach her level of skill. But I still didn’t feel a darn thing watching that scene except anger, and…. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that all I had was anger about it. That anger is why I was late with my review for the movie and why I softballed it; you didn’t need me angry and ranting about the film, readers. It was the closing chapter in the MCU, the swan song of the actors, and the final movie Stan Lee had a cameo in. The series was over. I wanted to let it rest and let the anger, disappointment, and sadness go.
Before the lock downs I had hope that I could find some new fandom to get excited about again. Something that would help bleed off the anger and leave me something to talk about here that would be just as much fun for me and for you. Then we got shut down “for two weeks” that turned into roughly two years, and…it all came tumbling down. Franchise after franchise after franchise got destroyed, and though I knew it was coming for Marvel, I couldn’t get away from the destruction. I had to watch others talking about it over and over and over again, laughing and pointing out how stupid it was and how they knew it would end like this.
I knew it didn’t have to end like this. I knew it didn’t have to end badly at all. That it had never been stupid, that it had never been worthless, childish, or something that was going to go down in flames eventually. But I had to watch everyone else act like all of that was true.
So the anger didn’t go away. Instead, it got worse and almost turned to despair (except I’m stubborn, so…). The world shutting down and locking me up made it all harder to deal with because there was no escape hatch available. That meant I couldn’t muster the energy to post on this blog, because there is literally enough anger going around online to drown the world. You did not need me to add to the tsunami and I wasn’t going to do that to you.
By now, though, the anger’s found more constructive outlets. Yes, I could do an entire list of things I didn’t like about Endgame, as well all the parts of Infinity War that I think could have been done better, starting with having Sharon Carter on the run with Steve and the rest of Team Cap. I wanted their romance on film, darn it, especially after it had been torpedoed so often in the comics.
I also wanted the knockdown, drag out screaming match between the Scarlet Witch and Vision that I was expecting from the films, given he abandoned her in Civil War when he said he would protect her. Infinity War just jumps to them as a couple, without the healing necessary to make it work, while dropping Sharon off a cliff and letting Tony run on the Worst Idea Ever. (Running off to face an alien menace with a teen and a sorcerer who he just rescued from being slowly sliced up with glass knives? I need a rolled-up newspaper so I can apply it to some genius patoot. Because that was blatantly stupid on Tony’s part, and someone should have called him on it in Endgame, only they didn’t. He got to yell in Steve’s face about Steve leaving when Tony is the one who ran off on a harebrained scheme and no prayer. That was not what anyone needed.)
I think the post-Endgame project that hit me hardest was WandaVision. I had already lost a lot of faith in those two as a couple over the years, but I was also reluctant after a point to say so “in public” here at Thoughts. This means that I outwardly accepted Wanda and Vision’s romance for longer than I should have. Meanwhile, in my head, I kept trying to find her a different guy for years, because I knew that her relationship with Vision was not good due to where it ended in the books; I just didn’t want to do something as horrible to Wanda in the comics as what the writers there were (and are) doing to her. (I’ve tried to ignore the comics – oh, how I have tried. It hasn’t worked, and add that to the films going bad, as I predicted years ago…yes, I am angry, readers.)
WandaVision was the ultimate nail in the coffin for me, as it adapted the worst comic book arc to film that I expressly did not want to see either on the big or small screen. Then it tried to make Wanda a heroine after making her a villain. No. No, no, no!!! I hate the Disassembled and House of M arcs in the comics, as you know from reading my posts, so why on Earth would I want to see it in live action? Especially to be followed up with the idea that Wanda giving up her fantasy somehow makes her heroic after the writers had gone to all the trouble to make her actually evil in the show. At least in the comics she literally lost her mind. UGH.
Readers, you deserved better than to have me shrilling complaints about the comics, the movies, and other franchises I have discussed here with no end in sight. There was nothing for me to do at the time but watch everything collapse, and I just couldn’t write about any of my fandoms in a critical manner anymore with all of that going on. It wouldn’t have been a critique, it would have been a tirade, and you deserved better.
Besides that, the hits just kept coming; unless I went back to older material that I was increasingly aware either wouldn’t attract attention or would be destroyed as well if it got too much traction, there wasn’t anything to praise and point you toward. Again, you deserved better than that. You deserved something new, readable, entertaining, and fun. This is especially true after the heck the lock downs put us all through, but at the time, I didn’t have anything I felt I could share with you. To paraphrase J.R.R. Tolkien, there was nowhere for me to go to escape the jailers I saw leering at me from every corner of the world.
Except for one place, that is.
Looking back at my stats for Thoughts on the Edge of Forever, I am surprised and heartened that one of the most popular posts here is a fan fic story I wrote for a friend. I truly did not see that coming – I had more or less quit writing fan fiction between 2016/2017 and 2020/2021, but I didn’t think the Transformers Christmas fic was or would ever be very popular. This despite finding escape in fan fiction myself (some of it really darn good) online during the lock downs. In hindsight, of course, if I could evade the jailers using fanfic, so could and would others. Professor Tolkien made the point that a man in prison will find something to talk about other than prison walls and prison guards, and fan fic reading was the way out for me and many others.
Naturally, that led me right back into writing my own fanfiction. I still have some pre-Infinity War fanfics lying around, along with a Star Wars short I want to finish but haven’t quite figured out how to tie up yet. Needless to say, since Marvel’s Phase 3 finale left me angry and Phase 4 (along with the comics) has been little more than a series of slaps in the face, I haven’t dabbled in any other fandoms for fanfic much. If I get the chance and/or inspiration, though, I might start branching out.
Sharing any of the present fics I have is a big step, however. I was writing them mainly for fun and to make myself happy; even though I shared the fics with a couple of friends, publishing them online for anyone to see scared me to death. But having finally checked back in to Thoughts on the Edge of Forever to find the Transformers fic is so perennially popular, and with a number of fics screaming to be published, I have to ask: Would you even want to read more fanfics by me? Or is fanfic a step too far? I can set the accessibility of posts here on Thoughts so that only you, my followers, can read the fics on my site. I could also post them somewhere else and drop a link telling you when they’re up here on Thoughts. Or would you prefer I make an effort to go back to the old pattern I had here previously?
My schedule is going to make posting erratic at best, so I won’t be here as regularly as I used to be, back in the pre-lock down years. I’ve also changed, which means my writing style has changed. Cliche though it sounds, I’m not the person I was when I posted here last time. The lock downs – in and out of fiction, because I don’t know what else you can call cutting the fans out and spiting them but a creative lock down – and events the world over have made me stretch and move past the person that I used to be.
With luck and a little work, I might be able to write a few reviews and thoughts here again, but all I have right now that is remotely readable is fanfic (at least one of those fanfics is out of season, too). You have hung on with me to this point. What do you say? Ready to follow The Mithril Guardian into the jaws of what is generally known as “fix it” fic?
Let me know in the comments what you think, you wonderful, wonderful people. Have a Happy Easter, and God bless you!
Until next time,
The Mithril Guardian